Unconventional Dinner
by ZaKai
Summary: Roy gets more than he bargained for when Ed makes him dinner. RoyxEd [Oneshot]


**Unconventional Dinner**

When the door to his office opened, Roy glanced up from the document to see Ed poking his head in.

"It's 6:00," Ed said.

"Very observant of you," Roy muttered.

The teen frowned. "I thought we were going to get dinner tonight..."

Roy sighed and laid the paper on his desk. "I know...I'm sorry, Ed. Something came up. I'll be here for another two hours."

"Oh..." The boy looked disappointed for a moment before flashing a grin. "How about we have dinner at your place later tonight?"

He gave the boy a bland look and said, "Thanks, but I really don't feel like cooking tonight. How about we just have dinner tomorrow night?"

Ed's grin widened. "I'll cook it, then you won't have to do anything."

Roy's right eye twitched slightly. Ed might be a very skilled alchemist, but his cooking skills left something... a _lot_ of something... to be desired. Trying to be diplomatic, he said, "Thank you, Ed, but I wouldn't want you to have to go through the trouble..."

Ed waved a hand, "No trouble at all. I'll see you at your place in two hours!" Roy opened his mouth to say something, but the teen was already gone. Groaning, he dropped his head in his hands. That had not gone the way he'd wanted it to.

"Well, he seems happy."

Roy lifted his head and stared at Lieutenant Hawkeye who had let herself into his office. "He's going to make me dinner..." Roy murmured.

She blinked and said blandly, "We'll all attend the funeral, sir."

Roy rested his head against his front door and fished in his pocket for the keys. At least his house was still standing. That was a good thing. And no smoke was coming out of the windows either...

Trying not to feel too tense, Roy unlocked the door and let himself in before shutting the door behind him. Besides the light peeking out from under the kitchen door, the house was dark. Shucking off his overcoat, Roy stuffed his keys back in his pants pocket and walked toward the door. Better to get it over with now. Maybe he could convince Ed that delivery was a really good thing and that they should take advantage of that.

Pushing the kitchen door open, Roy started walking into the other room when he stopped dead. Lying on the table was his young lover... naked... covered in...

"Welcome home," Ed said, turning his head to look at him.

Roy blinked. "What... What is this?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's your dinner."

He stepped over to the table and stared down at Ed. His mouth started salivating, though whether it was from the food or from the fact that Ed was naked under all that food, he didn't know.

Grinning, Ed said, wiggling his eyebrows, "Dinner first, then desert."

Roy eyed the food. Spread over Ed's chest was a salad, further down, cupped in the teen's stomach, was spaghetti with meatballs, and covering Ed's groin was some sort of berry pie... "Well, then I guess I'd better get started..."

Ed's hand suddenly shot up and Roy blinked when he saw a... He frowned. "You can't be serious." Instead of answering verbally, the teen's grin simply grew. Roy scowled and took the offered item and stared down at it blandly.

"Wouldn't want you to get done too fast," Ed said with a laugh.

Roy pressed his lips together and shook his head.

A spork.

Ed wanted him to eat salad and spaghetti with a damn plastic spork!

Growling, Roy stepped closer and tried to spear some of the lettuce with the small tongs, but the food just wouldn't stay on. He could try pressing harder but he didn't want to stab Ed along with the food.

After five more tries, all the while with Ed snickering, Roy stepped over to try getting some of the spaghetti since the salad was just _not_ cooperating. Unfortunately, the noodles weren't any easier. He tried turning the spork around and around to get the spaghetti to stay on but stopped when it made Ed start laughing from being tickled.

Letting out his breath in frustration, Roy moved to the taste the pie, 'desert' was what he was wanting now anyway. "Not yet!" Ed said. "_Dinner_ first, _then_ desert."

Roy narrowed his eyes and growled, "If I'm really supposed to eat this first, then I'm not doing it with this." He lifted the spork and waved it at Ed before walking to the flatware drawer and opening it. When he saw it was empty, Roy pressed his lips together and turned to look at his young lover who was smirking.

"Guess you're stuck with the spork!" Ed laughed.

Glaring, Roy walked back to the table and stared down at the teen. "I really don't see how I'm supposed to eat with this."

With a snicker, Ed said, "I'm sure you can come up with something creative."

Roy ran his tongue along his teeth as the thought. The spork itself was not going to work. He'd already tried that. He supposed he could use his fingers to push pieces of the salad onto the 'spoon' part but that really wouldn't work for the spaghetti...

Well, one thing at a time, he supposed, and reached down to push some of the lettuce onto the spork with the tips of his fingers. It worked somewhat but it was a little messy. Roy lifted his fingers to lick the dressing off, but Ed grabbed his wrist and did it instead. He swallowed and felt himself get hard while watching the teen suck gently on his fingers. It felt really good... made him want to...

Pulling his hand away, Roy set the plastic utensil down and unbuttoned his white dress shirt before tossing it on the counter, then pulled off his pants and boxers. The last thing he wanted to do was stain his uniform, and he had a feeling this was going to get a bit messy.

After undressing, Roy bent over, and, using the spork to move the food, began eating the pieces of salad off Ed's chest. Dressing got on his nose, but he ignored it as he licked at the teen's skin. As he chewed on the food, he lifted his head and scrapped the spork gently across Ed's skin causing the younger alchemist to squirm.

Lowering his head again, Roy took another mouthful of the food, then another until most of the big pieces were eaten then began dragging his tongue over Ed's skin. A moan from his living plate encouraged him and he ran his tongue back and forth over one of the teen's nipples before sucking on it. He took the small nub in between his teeth for a moment and pulled gently before letting it escape.

Panting now, Ed said, "Don't you think you should move on to the spaghetti?"

Roy grinned and moved over to kiss the teen on the mouth before saying, "I have dressing on my face, and I don't have a napkin. You wouldn't mind..."

Ed stuck out his tongue and began licking at the sides of Roy's mouth and on the tip of his nose. Roy chuckled. Ed had licked him before, but not like this. It was almost like having a dog lick him...

Deciding it was indeed time to move on, Roy moved over and stared down at the spaghetti and meatballs. He speared one of the meatballs and ate it quickly before leaning down and spooning some of the spaghetti into his mouth. At the movement, one of the meatballs rolled off Ed's stomach and bounced across the floor, splatting meat sauce across the tile until it hit the wall.

"Oops..." Ed said a little sheepishly. "I'll clean that up."

Not taking any more chances, Roy quickly ate the rest of the meatballs, then started on the noodles. The spork did little to help him eat the spaghetti and he had to bring his face very close to the noodles so that he could stuff them into his mouth. Slurping the noodles, Roy found that they made an even bigger mess on his face than the salad did.

Deciding to do away with the spork near the end, Roy simply began licking Ed's stomach and sucking on the noodles as he got to them. The teen moaned as Roy began making his way toward the pie, then groaned when the colonel stood up straight.

Again he moved over and let Ed lick his face off. This time he really needed it. He had sauce all over his cheeks and forehead, not to mention part of his neck... As Ed licked the sauce off his face, the teen reached over and fondled the man's erection before panting, "Are you ready for desert?"

"Are you?" Roy murmured back and kissed him. When Ed nodded, Roy moved down and stared at the pie for a moment before grinning and holding up the spork. "Should I use this?" Ed's eyes widened a little and he got an unsure look on his face. Chuckling, Roy tossed the spork onto the counter. "Perhaps I'll just forgo the sharp pointed plastic for this part."

Roy smirked when Ed gave him a relieved look, then bent down and took a bite from the crust. After eating way most of the crust, Roy swiped at the berry filling with his tongue, then moved up to kiss Ed, passing the filling over.

"Mmm," Ed hummed, and licked at Roy's lips. "That's pretty good."

"I can think of something that might be better," Roy murmured, then moved back down to Ed's groin. Hungrily, Roy licked at the pie filling that was covering the teen's erection, then stopped when he felt, Ed's hand touch his thigh.

"Climb on the table," Ed said, eyes shining with desire.

Doing as he was told, Roy climbed up and put a knee on each side of Ed's head. The teen reached up and tried to push his hips down, but Roy resisted. "Wait," he said, then scooped at some of the filling at the base of Ed's cock and spread it on his own. It felt gooey and sticky, but he was sure Ed would take care of that.

Glancing down, Roy smirked at Ed's grin then lowered his body onto Ed's so that the teen could take him in his mouth. He breathed in sharply at the feeling of Ed's mouth around his cock, then leaned down and took Ed in his mouth.

Reaching around, Roy grabbed onto Ed's ass and squeezed as he brought his up and down over Ed's erection, then swirled his tongue around the head. His breathing was heavy through his nose and he tried to concentrate on sucking the teen off and the pleasure that was building in his groin.

Suddenly Ed started humming and Roy gasped as the vibrations set him off. Cumming hard into the teen's mouth, Roy felt the teen begin to rock his hips, pushing himself deeper into Roy's mouth. He could feel the teen squeezing hard on his ass and it was obvious that Ed was close as well. Making sure his teeth were clear of the sensitive skin, Roy held his head still as Ed fucked his mouth, then gagged slightly as the teen came in his mouth.

Suddenly there was a crack and Roy quickly took his mouth off Ed and pulled himself out of Ed's mouth. He was about to roll off the table, when the table legs gave way and they crashed to the floor. Neither of them moved for a moment, then Ed said sheepishly, "Sorry... I'll fix it..."

Nodding, Roy got up and spit the cum out in the sink, then rinsed out his mouth. Splashing some water on his face, Roy grabbed a dish towel and dried off his face before looking over at the mess on the floor.

Roy smirked and walked over to where Ed was sitting on the broken table. "You're a mess," he said.

"That's very observant of you," Ed said, using Roy's own words from earlier. "But you are too."

Roy looked down at his chest and stomach where he'd been laying on the teen, then nodded. "You're right." He looked at Ed with a smirk. "Perhaps we should take a shower?"

Ed grinned back and stood up. "Together?"

"Of course."


End file.
